So sorry for your loss. I understand decades-long grief. We don't get over it, we just learn to live beside it. Because I work daily in a large cemetery property, we see all manner of grieving and mementos left on memorial markers. I think the funniest thing I have seen was an elderly woman who looked around warily, then lay down FLAT on a gravesite, and I could see her looking all around. She was "trying on" her future resting site. I guess she wanted to see what her neighborhood was going to be like!