That was tough to read and I'm sure harder for you to experience. I'm at the age where I know I have my last permanent population of 2 dogs and 2 cats. But I know I'll always have some furbaby that needs a home. I've decided that when the time comes I'll foster. Doing so will allow me to know I don't have the long term committment, but I will still have the companionship. Kudos to you recognizing a situation that wouldn't be sustainable. Better in the long run for all. Peace with your decision!