Things That Aren’t Here Anymore

Photo by Nathan Wright on Unsplash

I have often heard the phrase “Getting older is not for the faint of heart”. Isn’t THAT the truth? Age is a journey of enlightenment, experience, and acceptance. Every day is a gift, and that is why we call it “the present”. At least that is the attitude I strive to maintain. Evidence of aging becomes very clear to anyone as they pass the “middle age” years and start entering the “Senior” years. Recent health worries have brought age directly to the forefront of my thinking and that is not normally the case. I have always subscribed to the saying “you are only as old as you feel.” Little did I realize that how I feel would not be ideal every day.

Recently my pancreas went on vacation without prior notice. The elusive little gland seems to be sputtering and not doing the job that it should in regard to enzyme production. Thus, digestion is a daily adventure and nausea is my almost constant companion. Currently, I am on a journey of discovery as to cause and treatment, but a big sigh of relief came when “the big C” was ruled out! My father died two years younger than I am today with pancreatic cancer, so for a month, I was teetering on the edge of panic.

This isn’t the first part of my body to fail me. I’ve been working on destroying this physical container for my soul since my youth. I foolishly rode horses and participated in some rodeo-type events when I was younger which culminated in a horse on top of me and a lot of lower back injuries that have plagued me for well over 50 years. A triple laminectomy has kept me walking.

Gastric ulcers were a part of high school and family drama until I could extricate myself to college and a life that I could direct on my own. Not that I did a great job of that. Double hernia repair came along in my 30s, the result of hard agricultural work. Arthritis set in during my 40s and has been an ongoing battle as I entered my 60s with two titanium hip replacements. Amazing how that gave me back my mobility and daily functions of everyday life, but those slim cowboy hips are LONG gone. and now my right wrist struggles with severe carpal tunnel. That surgery awaits if I don’t want to lose more hand function. The ability to do many small tasks every day is already “gone”. Not here anymore.