THE WIND PHONE
Those Babies I Lost
The road to life’s decisions
For me, becoming a father was a long and twisted road. My fatherhood was not the normal path that most men travel. For many men, fatherhood is not a decision or choice but happens through fate. My decision to be a father was more deliberate and clouded by many issues. Fatherhood came not through biological procreation. I became a father through the decision to adopt.
My struggle with my sexuality through puberty and into young adulthood was a tortured path that always made me wonder if I would ever have children. This struggle was always in the background of any decision. Not understanding or accepting who I was in my heart and soul led me to make decisions that would hurt many, although I never intended to do so.
I married after finishing college. My ex-wife finished her college years a couple of years before me. We met while working in a National Park. So, we were not kids. We were both mature enough to have completed degrees and were at the threshold of young adulthood.
Teaching high school kept me busy as a beginning teacher, and although I pressed for starting a family, my wife was resistant. She said she was not sure she wanted children. I remember thinking “We should have talked about this before marriage.” I was happy that I…
