Well written article, and a great tone of sincerity. I am so sorry for your loss. I have looked down that dark well of possibly losing my husband when he had sudden cancer diagnosis, and it is not a pleasant place to contemplate, and I am so sorry you had to experience that loss. (luckily, surgery worked for us). Your questioning is just spiritual growth. My problem is I long ago felt that most churches reduce God to such a small, controlling character, never recognizing the truly wonderful, huge presence that we are all a part of. This was a very good read. Wishing you well.